1. The Affair

Posted by Benjamin David November 3, 2020

It was the year 2016. The man pulled up his hood against the late January wind and cupped his hands to light a badly-rolled joint. It was one of those cold nights in January that make you think winter is literally never going to end. This has to be that one year when the seasons forget to change.

Christopher, as I call him, sat and looked out over the grey cityscape. This was only a 5th floor apartment but even that much afforded a decent view of the westside of Toronto. There were mostly smaller buildings around here anyway. All the big skyscrapers were further downtown.

But skyscrapers and cityscapes were about as far from Christopher’s mind as they could get. In fact, he wasn’t even thinking about them at all. He was thinking, as he so often did these days again…about going back.

Now before you start asking ‘back to what’ questions, let me explain. Christopher had a bit of a love affair I guess you could call it. A love affair with a very strange mistress indeed. This infatuated obsession had a power over him that he had yet to even become aware of much less break.

It called him all hours of the day. The memories of warmth, smiles, hugs and all those lovely things that go along with such an affair would dance for him in his mind when he got lonely and even when he wasn’t particularly lonely. Sometimes memories take a very long time to fade and if they are viewed again and again and kept fresh, its a bit like picking at a scab over a sore…ick.

Christopher was picking at the scab again. It had taken longer this time. Somewhere around 2 years he had ignored it all. Tried to. He had picked up a bad habit or two along the way to help out a bit. Don’t judge, he didn’t become a male stripper even tho he was offered the gig so he really didn’t do too badly! Plus I mean…uhh flattering! thank you, am I right?!

2 years since the sore had opened. 2 years since that feeling of what Christopher could only assume was love had embraced him even tho he always felt a prickle or two that he would chalk up to being his own unreliable feelings. 2 years of trying to find something, to go back to something, he really didn’t even know what it was. He knew what he had been told it was and sometimes the urge to believe it overwhelmed him again as it did now.

But that’s not at all where the story begins either. About 4 years before that he had once again succumbed to the tug of those very familiar heart strings. Made even more familiar with less time between them. And the reason for their familiarity was this…Christopher had been born into this affair. You heard me. Born.

This affair was religion. Christianity if you need me to be precise. I’ll get more precise as the story goes believe you me.

Christopher was a sensitive child. Quick to draw back and retreat at even the slightest hint of aggression or attack. Very much flight. Very not fight. Thanks in part to the teaching of non-resistance that was impressed on him from birth. The books and pictures of all the people tortured and killed for their faith (most of whom were dying instead of fighting in a war) were endlessly praised and lauded and sang about as those whom Christopher should measure his life after. These people just sang and smiled as their privates burned off (and all the rest I’d imagine but I think those would hurt the worst) and so Christopher was told he would do well to be so courageous as to be willing to die for this as well.

Christopher spent many hours praying that peace would rule his whole lifetime and that he’d never have to die for Jesus but he figured if it came down to it he could. Christopher was 8.

Christopher spent countless hours in his room alone with his books and if he could sneak it, some music! Working outside was meant to be his duty as a boy and even tho he did what he had to do when he had to do it he never felt comfortable with it. Farm life seemed too horrid. Too muddy, too many cows running around with horns, pigs that stank like shit. Goats! Oh goats are different. Chrstopher loved goats! But also chickens…sooooo gross..turkeys geese and a multitude of loud and shitty birds. I think I’ve made my point.

Christopher liked books and music so much more than the farm. He was all thumbs on machinery and really hated getting oil on his clothes. This was frustrating to his father who, having grown up on a farm himself, didn’t think too highly of the lack of desire or even interest his oldest son had in what he considered to be his dream life.

Christopher had 7 siblings. But this story is about Christopher and not about his siblings so just don’t worry about them.

Let me explain a bit more about this religious affair Christopher was born into. His parents had been religious all their lives but the summer his mother was pregnant with him, they found a new group to be religious with. I’m keeping this super basic on purpose. A lot of you aren’t all that smart.

Christopher was the 4th child to be born to this young couple. Let’s call them Dan and Sue. Shorter names than Christopher. I’ve already regretted name this guy Christopher because how long and annoying his name is to type. But I must persist.

Three older sisters were already ahead of Christopher and with the burden of raising a family weighing heavily on them, Dan and Sue were searching. The chuches they had grown up in had driven deeply into them the importance of religion and the bible and all that. But these churches seemed to be losing control and kids were turning to drinking and smoking and loud music and therefore didn’t seem a good option as influence for their own youngsters.

Then they found it. The affair, or what would eventually come to be the affair. Let’s see….we shall call this group..oh I’ve got it…”A Righteous Affair”! Hmm..I should become a professional name-giver. I’m damn splendid at it.

“A Righteous Affair” (and I thought Christopher was a long name) was a VERY zealous group. Their intention was to obey as strictly as possible every word in that good ol bible! Granted there were a few..ahem..ok more than a few personal opinions of high-up leaders thrown in “due to interpretation of course” but overall they proclaimed that they finally had the answer. OH PHEW! no one has ever had the answer before!!! (sarcasm is a service I will provide for free in this writing) Thank you…where do we sign? And so began the torrid, life sapping, fear-mongering and ongoing affair between Dan, Sue and A maybe-not-so-righteous Affair after all.

And now, armed with the promise of “all the answers” and a commitment to “finally do it right, I mean come on it’s the fourth child” Dan and Sue eagerly awaited the birth of the first child to be born into this eutopia. This was it! So exciting.

And 4 months later, chubby little Christopher just kinda plopped out into this world. Oh Christopher…you are in for a treat my blue-eyed little friend.