My Life In 3 Years

I went through a phase of needing/wanting to know my future. I thought I needed to know that I would be successful that I would reach whatever level of professionalism to guarantee my acceptance and standing in the world. Before I started anything I needed proof. Proof that I wouldn’t fail. That I would always have enough. Proof that I wouldn’t look like a fool.

The searching began.

In reality I’m beginning to see that search started the moment I drew breath. It really boils down to the fight for survival. Struggling to maintain control of every aspect of life so that I can make it be what I need it to be in order to stay alive.

Very natural and normal behaviour.

“What was true in the morning of your life has become a lie in the afternoon.” Wayne Dyer

But the thing is, everything changes.

Those old behaviours that I needed to survive in my early years have now become outdated. Like old computer programming they are running slower and getting more sluggish every day.

I keep getting update notices from my soul.

As I near the big 40 in my life I see the truth of this like never before. I’m living in the time that I so desperately wanted to know about 10 years ago. I’m still here. Still wondering about the future, still unsure of the path ahead but yet moving ahead everyday. Something tells me that a level of uncertainty of the future will be a part of life until I die and that’s also part of the fun.

So I ask myself, “What will my life look like in three years? Is there something I can do to change my current trajectory?”

Armed with the minuscule wisdom of 39 years I think I have an answer to that question.

It’s really quite simple.

3 years from now will look exactly like today. Ok sure, I’ll be three years older, my place of residence may have changed, (I sure hope not, this island is a damn paradise) the numbers in my bank account might be up or down, (preferably up) the people and circumstances around me may have shifted some but on that deep personal level that one one ever sees, the potential remains that I could be exactly the same. Still running on tired programs, still watching the spinning hourglass of time ticking my life away.

The same habits, the same thought patterns, the same beliefs, the same day-to-day struggles of existence.

Is there another option?

I mean, there is this thing the kids are doing now called CHOICE. I’ve heard a lot about it lately.

Me consciously choosing what life will look like in 3 years. Deliberately deciding to let go of the old programs that to be sure did a great job of getting me here but now seem a bit old and weak.

I’ve picked up a habit or two along the way (I’m guessing I’m not alone in that) that some would call less than awesome. To me they simply don’t seem conducive to growth.

Removing the negative judgement and stepping back to observe them as an outsider I see these not so great habits as rocks on the path. Some just pebbles and some pretty minor but there’s a few boulders. Ok more than a few.

Sure, I can walk around them but too often I’ve stubbed my toe on the unexpected root or rock that I miss in this fog called life, making a progressive, continual and successful climb very difficult indeed.

A constant moving forward one step and backward two steps. Gaining a bit but then hitting a wall and falling back again. It’s hardly any way to climb.

My mind recalls an experience in Albany, Australia.

A dear friend of mine and myself decided to hike the Stirling Mountains one sunny afternoon. We both had an overdose of the adventuresome spirit and were willing to attack anything we thought looked fun.

We hiked the clearly marked trail for some time. It was lovely enough but fairly easy hiking and we both felt a bit touristy following the signs and it got a bit boring. So we decided it was time to blaze our own trail. Across a small valley of brush and small trees we could see the trail continue up the hill so we decided to cut through the valley instead of walking the trail all the way around.

We were trailblazers. Tourist trails were for losers. Off we went! It was fun, being so independent. Showing the rest of the world how brave and independent we were.

For about a minute and a half.

Suddenly the brush got incredibly dense and thick. Much thicker than it appeared from the safety of the trail. Australian outdoors have a way of kicking you in the butt if you’re not careful and this brush decided to give us a beating. It was so thick and strong we soon got lost in a maze of branches and thorns and roots. Not lost lost but it felt that way. It was a struggle as inch by inch we fought our way through the brambles that clung to us, scratching our thin white Canadian skin, threatening to pull us under this sea of angry green. How dare we intrude in their jungley tangle? Damn, this looked so much easier from the trail.

Eventually we made it but not without the shedding of blood and muttering more than a few expletives at this angry continent and it’s decided dislike for human contact. Was it worth it? Probably not so far as time-saving was concerned but it gave me a visual for an important life lesson.

Shortcuts can be bit like not-so-great habits. Something that seems innocent and easy enough can quickly turn into a bramble bush of confusion and pain. That habit that was meant to lighten the load begins to be the very thing that weighs you down, pulling you under, suffocating. It starts innocently enough but ends up threatening to destroy everything you love.

So what will my life look like its 3 years? That’s actually entirely up to me. What do I want it to look like? I can keep it looking just like it is and that’s fine as well. As far as I’m concerned there is no judgement here at all, either from myself or some divine entity, simply observations and decisions as to what life to live. All are valid.

I can stay here or I can choose another path. The clearly marked trail is looking pretty nice right about now. This ‘road less traveled’ is incredibly overrated.

Could I maybe choose an easier one. Am I tired of fighting the brambles yet? Have I had enough of the adventure of having to forge my own path?

Or maybe there’s a path that might be a bit more pleasant, maybe?

A bit wider? A tad bit more room to breath?

Space to walk with others?

Is it so wrong to choose easy?

Does everything have to be difficult?

Those are questions that can only be answered by me for me. ( or you for you) We get to choose.

Three years from now will look a lot like today.

If that’s what I choose.

The choices made between now and then will be the deciding factor.

Choosing…

BD

Originally published at http://benjiesblog.org on November 6, 2020.