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The Terrifyingness of Nothingness
In my experience, nothing is quite as terrifying as nothing. The emptiness of this page staring me in the face is more scary than a thousand screaming warriors. Not really tho, I’m guessing that would make me actually defecate in my pants. The blank page just encourages a trip to the bathroom which is another way of avoiding it’s white, hot stare.
And yet the empty page, the silent guitar, the open staff on a music notation sheet all call to me. They are begging to be filled. Longing to fulfill their own unique purpose. They call so silently that only those who know that sound can hear it. They wait, they trust. With infinite patience, of course.
The guitar can be covered in the dust of long forgotten memories and dreams, his place in the corner simply viewed as part of the decoration, but still he sings when touched by loving fingers.
The ripples of a music score never cease their delicate, spacious fluttering even with no notes or rests to hold them in place. When at last the stirrings of desire become too strong to ignore and music finds its way onto her fragile lines, she sings as exuberantly and joyfully as tho she had always had her musical desires fully satisfied.
The blank page however, is another story, literally. No preconceived notions of what needs to fill it’s space can be presumed upon here. With solemnity and grace she allows any assumption to be made about her empty floor. She simply waits. And trusts. And when letters at last fall upon her unassuming face she accepts and embraces, without question. As my father would untrustingly say “papia lat zik eirnsvout schriven.” (paper allows anything to be written on it-rough translation).
At last the page is no longer empty. A smattering of letters, spaces and badly used pronunciation begin to appear. Nothingness is pushed back just a bit. Until the downscroll reveals the endlessness of this task. Nothing is endless, and yet it most definitely is. Now my brain is beginning to feel like an uncooked pretzel.
Speaking of pretzels…I don’t like them.
What is the nothingness in your life that calls for you to fill? Whatever it is, you’ve probably already thought of it. That thing, that project, that inspiration that gives you a tiny stir somewhere in the pit of your stomach. Part fear, part excitement, part desire, part knowing you really were born for it.
Blank pages, musical scores and guitar strings do that for me. In their emptiness I tremble with knowing. Knowing that I’ve been given an opportunity to create. Knowing that the call will never really go away. It might get quieter as it gets suffocated under everything else that the legitimacy of life throws on it, but it never goes away. Nothingness calls. I must answer.
Here goes nothing.
“Top of the morning boys! Time to rise and shine in the early morning sunshine!!! The day after tomorrow is already Wednesday and we haven’t gotten a thing done!!” Even just writing those words brings back that early morning feeling of pulling the covers tighter around myself as my father in his sing-song and annoyingly Continue reading “5 Tips for Morning Bliss”
Over the years that I’ve been wandering around in this limited form of a human body, I have often been in groups where inevitably someone will ask “If you could have any superpower you want, what would it be?” and everyone tries to out-clever everyone else with their outlandish and often revealing answers. Some want Continue reading “I Have A Superpower!”
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Originally published at http://benjiesblog.org on November 1, 2020.
